Mental Health Awareness month

In my blogposts I am very open and honest about my anxiety disorder, and have written many posts about it. 

 It is a condition that affects so many people and is so misunderstood by so many even some doctors in my experience,  perhaps because only those that have truly experienced it can even comprehend it,  can even begin to empathise with a sufferer,  how physically ill your mind can make you feel how it can come out of nowhere it seems just as you thought you were doing ok, how some days even the simplest of tasks can be too much, the littlest noises can grate on you like finger nails scraping down a blackboard how something as simple as having to post a parcel or make a telephone call is just too hard to do and how exhausting it is that your mind will not stop the over thinking over worrying lump in your throat, heart in your mouth feeling of fear and dread that is like a chasm where I am Alice falling down the rabbit hole but never reaching the bottom where some days I feel myself and other days I do not know myself at all.

 All I ever wanted was to be a Mum and to be happy but now I am it wasn’t what I expected at all and I do not enjoy it as much as I ever thought I would. It is lonely and draining and hard harder than I ever thought possible and so much pressure to do the best that you can all of the time for these three amazing beautiful little people that you created,  and to look good and multi task and be like a Domestic Goddess and SuperMum all at once but the only real pressure to do all that is from ourselves, some days I can do it all and more and then some and other days I can’t do it at all and its ok and I battle on and take medication and breathe and use mindfulness apps and go to bed early and shut the curtains and try to relax and live in hope that one day I won’t feel this way anymore and to anyone that suffers Mental health in any way at all I understand,  I empathise,  I send you a hug and hope that you can be open and honest and talk to anyone who will listen and help you and to anyone who doesn’t suffer please try to understand and be tolerant and patient and be a good friend to anyone who needs one right now.  

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