The rented house

I was reading a facebook piece from shelter charity earlier that really pulled on my heartstrings it was a lady who talked about the instability of renting and shelters campaign to change the rules etc for renters, this is a subject very close to my heart…..and it made me think about my mental health anxiety problems and how they stem from the fact that I do not feel rooted and settled and secure, yes I am in a very happy marriage of over ten years I have three beautiful children, but the place I call home is not my house I have never had the pleasure of choosing wallpaper or carpet colours, or have put up shelves nor browsed a kitchen or bathroom shop pondering over tiles, I have never bought a cooker or a dishwasher and all the normal grown up things a married lady of 34 with three children and a loving husband should be able to do, my children cant ever have pets larger than a hamster or have rainbow like murals painted on their walls should they want, or grow a massive sunflower up the garden wall, I have never had the feeling of new shiny keys or being carried over the threshold of our marital home, our home that we can close the curtains in and be at peace and relaxed, there is always a living in fear feeling that the landlord could knock on the door anytime a feeling of insecurity every time contracts are renewed, worry if something goes wrong, it is like house sitting in someone elses home yet our things are in it but we cant make our mark, wherever we want whenever we want, if I could only have one wish in life it would be to have a permanent home “our” home, our family home where we can store things in the loft for the grandchildren to discover in years to come, to put up shelves wherever and and permanent fixtures and pictures, and if we spill its up to us to fix it, not a landlord or an agency controlling and inspecting. We pay high rents yet cant get a mortgage and we arent quite in need (enough) for a council house. There are so many others in this position and it has to stop it is causing so much stress in peoples lives, and instability in children having to move all the time, one day I hope it will change until then I fill my home with love and floral cushions and pretty things. ….and wish and dream that one day …..

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