I haven’t written a post for a while,the weeks have just flown since my last one and life as always is super busy.
This post is about friendships.Growing up. Throughout our lives we have many friendships, some come and go, some stay for life no matter what, our friendships Change as we Change and go through different stages in our life, From the School friendships that make you feel wanted and part of a group, your first loves, your first arguements, your first fall outs but that shape us, help us to.grow up, and they grow with us, and it is nice to know that some of my friends from School are still in my life and despite not living near them or seeing them as much we always know that no matter what they will always be there for me and I for them,the ones that when you do see them or talk to them transport you right back to where you left off , to the innocence of childhood ,of memories and of the good times shared.
As I have grown and have become a Mother I thought that friendships would get easier, but I have found them the hardest time in my life, I remember when having my eldest daughter (now 8) I suddenly felt very alone living in a new city without my old friends or my family around me, but I knew I had to go out and meet people. I must have tried every Mother and toddlergroup out there,in order to find the one I felt most comfortable in,yet it was so daunting. Whether people even spoke to you was determined by the type of buggy you pushed, whether you breastfed and whether you had a boy or girl, I remember feeling so out of place surrounded by perfect “yummy Mummies” that seemed so incredibly organised with their perfectly ever ready Cath Kidston changing bag, and their trendy clothing protected by nicely ironed muslin cloth strategically placed over their shoulder .
I was not one of those Mummy’s, though I did try, I was more of a throw a nappy in the bottom of my handbag on the way out the door and hope for the best kind of Mummy, though I have survived and my three kids have come out ok so far.
However friendships do remain complicated, when I did find a few friends at baby group that I had some things in common with I always felt slightly envious of them of their lovely houses, their work,life balance,their money and I never felt good enough and with the inevitable moves from toddlers,to nursery and then to different schools, we drifted apart. It was then I found the security I craved when I began going to church and rediscovering my faith it was then that I realised that I was beautiful inside and outside no matter what, I made friends with strong women of faith that supported me emotionally and spiritually I looked upon them as mentors and advisers and they were just what I needed, it was then that I began to feel more settled and happier in my life ln being a Christian I felt like I had become a better person, a better wife,a better friend and a better Mother. The things I had (or didn’t have) no longer mattered, what mattered was that my family were happy.
It was then that I realised what I needed or wanted in my friendships with women, but I didn’t realise that once your children go to school standing in the playground as a parent feels like being at school yourself, mums standing in specific groups in certain parts of the playground, it can feel very overwhelming to make friends and then fall outs are tricky as you have to stand everyday in the playground and see these people whether you get on with them or not, so you can choose to be involved and make friendships or not.This can be difficult as I feel I am a friendly person, and although I will always consider my husband my best friend it is nice as a full time Mum to have women friends to do things with, to have a coffee with,to chat with etc so I try my best to go to things and to invite people round and it is lovely but it can also cause such upset when things go wrong, but now I am in my thirties I have learnt what makes a true friend,one that will accept me for who I am no matter what, that will be there for me and I for them,that will be honest and trustworthy and kind and the most important thing they will be fun and great to laugh with,I try to be like this and I am grateful for the true friends in my life old and new and those that are far away but not forgotten,cherish your friends, but remember you can choose them,you can choose to be around the people that make you happy, and if they really are a good friend they will xxx.